I am not a Christian and it does not matter whether you believe Jesus walked the Earth or not, it is the words spoken or written or both that carry the meaning of God.

I do not go for religion because for one I feel it creates fixed mindsets which in turn can create a prison for the mind where there is little room for exploration of the ‘spirit world’. Of course I am stereotyping as there are a few religious folk who accept that people have different ideas about ‘God’ and have an ‘open minded’ understanding that people find their way to God or Gods different to their own which is fine.

However I will leave all this for another day as I want to tell you about an experience that happened to me in 1987 when I was in my early 20s that proved to me beyond all doubt that there was a God of somekind. I use the term God loosely as I really can not say for certain what it was God, only that it was some enormously powerful benign presence that came to my aid when I called out for help.

I was having as quiet night in reading a book called The Talisman co written by Stephen King and a guy whose name I cannot remember off hand but the book was about a boy who had been given some potion which when he drank he went into somekind of alternative reality. The reason I mention the book was due to it having somekind effect on my subconscious which led to me dreaming about being the boy and each chapter I read the content reflected in my dreams. This has never happened to me before or since.

I can even remember the record I had playing quietly in the background at the time the experience happened; ‘Simon and Garfunkel’s greatest hits’.

I felt chilled out and content sat above a shop in the attic front room which later on people used to comment on it’s beautiful vibe full of love and light….

Engrossed in the book I suddenly felt the atmosphere in the room change at the exact time I got ‘the butterflies’ in my stomach. I felt there was something not right and I started to feel panic rise up within me very quickly.

Now around 5-6 days before, a guy I knew was talking to me about through this Indian meditation called Knowledge gave you the experience of finding God within oneself. He spoke to me for over an hour and I did find something move within telling me this is what I had been looking for and the answer was not outside but within. I left that flat feeling on top of the world and promised myself I was going to get the techniques.

Well, when this panic was rising up inside me, what I had been told about ‘Knowledge’ was far from my mind. However I had been a victim of panic attacks a number of times in the past but this was different and as my mind began to fill up with negative racing thoughts I knew this was the ‘mother of all panic attacks’ and the terror began to spread through me. The thoughts began to accelerate and within a minute the pain shot down my left arm and I fell to my knees believing I was having a heart attack as the interlocking thoughts, never this powerful before were telling me my heart was about to stop. It was at this very moment in the jaws of death at complete mercy to my mind I remembered what this guy had said that God was within so I began to say “If your there God help me” I got the word ‘If’ out when a blinding white flash with the intensity of an atom bomb exploding went off within me racing through the top of my head, out through my feet and my mind was still instantaneously! From interlocking thoughts to stillness instantly! The blinding white flash felt like somekind of static almost electrical energy and was gone in an instant and my mind was still. To me loosing control of my mind and feeling the intense pain of a heart attack which to me felt like I was in a dark shadow of some enormous dark mountain, but to whatever had saved me was so powerful, stopping the panic attack was to ‘it’ like blowing out a candle flame with minimal effort. I knew I had been touched by a power so immense yet full of such love was beyond words, as was I!!

Instead of hallelujah, praise the Lord, it had scared the shit out of me!! I mumbled “I know that your real now, but please do not do anything like that again just yet”. I got off the floor switched the music off and put on my little portable black and white T.V, not to try and forget completely, I could never do that, but to try and put some ‘normality’ back in my world as I could not yet comprehend what had just happened to me. I had been touched by something so powerful that as I said it took as much energy from him/it as to blowing out a candle flame.

I went back to see this guy I knew but I did not tell him this tale as I was not sure what I was saying. In fact it took me a good 12 months to tell anyone. It was at the time I received the techniques to Knowledge as you had to go to classes for around 12 months until the instructor thought you were ready to receive the techniques. Not everyone received Knowledge as for instance this one guy who had an enormous ego wanted it as a power. I practised the techniques to Knowledge for an hour a day as taught. It became like a hotline to this presence within. I even achieved what is known as separation where I was totally disconnected from my conscious mind sat in a beautiful void listening to my conscious mind gibber away like a lunatic but as an outside observer. In this void I found total freedom, love and peace. This space I was in was timeless and I felt part of everything in the universe -infinite consciousness, at one with all that is.

We all have the spark of God within us and through meditation we all can become separate from what the Chinese call ‘monkey mind’ due to the conscious mind’s never-ending chatter.  However we must try and find time to meditate everyday which is hard work and it is easy to become lazy when you are your own master.

You see even after this experience I took so many wrong turns in my life because once you get lazy and stop meditating ‘mind’ becomes master once again. But when I get a knock at my door and I am asked the question “Do you believe in God?” I answer “No, I have experienced God” Because God answered my call.